Facets of Us

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

AWWWW YEAAAH IT’S TIME FOR SOME SWEET ASS OMURICE

If you are somehow unfamiliar with Omurice, you are either watching the wrong animes, or hanging out with the wrong Asians or something because MAN. Omurice is one of the best meals EVER. It’s like…. fried rice kicked up a notch but also sort of trashy but whatever because it tastes AMAZING. AND IT’S SO EASY TO MAKE:

• You want a lot of the same stuff that goes into fried rice really, with a few minor, though crucial, changes.
• Use whatever the fuck vegetables you have, though I encourage using frozen peas and carrots. It is literally the easiest thing in the world to just keep a bag of that shit in your freezer at all times so you can just throw handfuls of it into whatever food you have and you can be like “Oh man I’m totally eating vegetables with my ramen, I’m going to call my mom and tell her”. 
• Also onion and garlic, of course. About 1/2 an onion should be plenty, chopped up, and 2 cloves of minced garlic AT LEAST. YOU KNOW MY FEELINGS TOWARDS GARLIC (intense love)
• For the meat/protein, it is VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE AS TRASHY AS POSSIBLE. Sure, you COULD use like, chicken or something. But you SHOULD use diced up SPAM. Or Hotdogs. Or mother effin’ Bologna. DON’T GIVE ME THAT LOOK, LIKE YOU DON’T EVER ENJOY A GOOD HOT DOG OR BOLOGNA SANDWICH. I WILL NEVER BE ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT BOTH OF THOSE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE FOODS.
• Ahem. You’ll want like, 2 hotdogs, or half a can of spam or 4 slices of bologna, really, you decide how meaty you want this amazing fried rice omelet  
• (Did I explain that that’s what Omurice means? Omelet Rice? LEARNING!)
• (Also if you’re a vegetarian, go ahead and disregard the trashy meat, but I still encourage you to throw some of that Morning Star alternative meat shit in there instead, I wont judge you, I eat that stuff too and I’m not even vegetarian I just eat random shit)
• YOU SHOULD ALWAYS USE COLD LEFT OVER RICE FOR MAKING FRIED RICE. I know you order Chinese food and almost always have left over rice because what the hell, did they give you like two free containers of rice, who needs this much rice ever? PEOPLE THAT WANT FRIED RICE LATER DO.
• I was dumb and made fresh rice using short grain sticky rice AHAHAHAH DON’T EVER USE FRESH STICKY RICE FOR FRIED RICE, IT IS THE WORST DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE.
• Anyway, in a large skillet or wok if you’re super classy (I’m not), cook the onion with a drizzle of Olive Oil until tender, then add the garlic and chopped up meat and frozen veggies. Let that get nice and sassy and delicious smelling, then throw your rice on in there (let’s say a cup and a half of rice, you should know I don’t ever measure things, USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT, YOU ARE AN ADULT. IF YOU’RE NOT, STOP READING MY BLOG.)
• WE’RE GOING TO CLASS THIS RICE UP FURTHER WITH A GENEROUS SQUIRT OF KETCHUP. YES. KETCHUP. DO IT. SHUT UP. PUT THE KETCHUP IN THE DAMN RICE. And a few shakes of soy sauce. Uh. A tablespoon or something I don’t know.
• STIR THAT SHIT UPPPPPP
• LET IT SIT FOR A MINUTE TO CRISP UP ON THE BOTTOM OF THE SKILLET.
• STIR IT UP.
• REPEAT.
• WHILE THIS IS HAPPENING, slightly beat two eggs in a small bowl. Set those suckers aside.
• Awesome. Pour your rice into a large bowl or plate because hhahahaha you are eating all of this by yourself.
• Rinse out your skillet (or be lazy like me and just wipe out any lingering rice bits with a huge wad of paper towels) then put it back on the heat. Coat the hot skillet with a glob of butter. Pour your eggs in there and let those cook until mostly set. If you’re super swag like me, use your awesome skillet flipping wrist action to flip the omelet in the pan, and get the other side nice and browned. If you’re not skilled, carefully use a large spatula.
• Slide your egg blankie over your bowl (or plate) of rice! 
• To be super authentic, you have to write a loving message on your omelet in ketchup. 
• To be super cool, write ‘Butts’ instead, then take a picture and write a blog post about it.