Facets of Us

I CAN EAT SOMEWHAT HEALTHY THINGS TOO

areyoutryingtodebruceme:

OH HEY ARE YOU PUNKS READY FOR ANOTHER LATE NIGHT SNACK RECIPE? BECAUSE I JUST MADE SOME AVOCADO TOAST.

• “WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS IS AVOCADO TOAST” you might be screaming, which is sort of weird, you should lower your voice and let me explain
• NO WAIT THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN, IT IS EXACTLY LIKE IT SOUNDS
• STEP ONE: TOAST BREAD
• Not just any bread though, you leave that 79 cent wonder bread alone for right now. Save that for an amazing grilled cheese later. MMmmmmffff.
• You want that GRAINY BREAD for this. Like, there should be CHUNKS of grain in your bread (how appetizing does that sound???)
• I use the Pepperidge Farm multigrain bread—the kind that’s so frickin’ classy they double bag that shit. WORTH IT.
• RIGHT, SO. 
• Once it’s toasted, drizzle it with some EVOO.
• For those that don’t speak Food Networkese, that’s Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• NOW GET AN AVOCADO AND PRAY THAT YOU DIDN’T LET IT SIT ON YOUR KITCHEN COUNTER FOR SO LONG THAT IT’S BASICALLY A LEATHER BALL OF MUSH
• Okay, so your avocado is fine
• UNTIL YOU CUT IT IN HALF, SCOOP OUT THE PIT, AND THEN MASH UP ALL OF IT’S CREAMY FLESH
• You jerk.
• Mash it up as much as you like. I like mine chunky. THIS IS A CHUNKY SNACK, OKAY?
• Basically, you’re making guacamole but without like, tomatoes or onions or cilantro or whatever else your abuela puts in it*
• Unless you want a pile of baby-poop colored mush, squeeze some lime juice in there
• (Haha, I’m cheap and keep one of those shocking plastic limes full of juice in my fridge I’M SURE FRESH LIMES WOULD BE BETTER, BUT I ALWAYS FORGET ABOUT THEM IN MY KITCHEN UNTIL THEY BASICALLY TURN INTO POWDER)
• Add some salt and pepper (NO WAIT, LOTS AND LOTS OF PEPPER OH MY GOD I LOVE PEPPER) to your Avocado/Lime mush and mix welllllllll
• SPREAD THAT GOODNESS ON YOUR TOAST
• DON’T EAT IT YET, CALM DOWN, SHHH
• SPRINKLE SOME RED PEPPER ON THERE FIRST. That’s right, it’s not just for pizza, college dude reading this in your dorm room.
• OKAY NOW YOU CAN EAT AND PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK FOR EATING SOMETHING AT MIDNIGHT OTHER THAN RAMEN OR COLD FRENCH FRIES
• (….I finished my cold french fries an hour ago)

*I’m sure your abuela makes really kick-ass guacamole though, you should invite me over for dinner or something.